Celtic Heroes

Hey, so I got this english Homework and i kinda need some help. We were supposed to build a story, which gradually built suspense which was then released in the warning part. It is then supposed to build up again until we have enough to unleash it again, where the story ends. If i have not done this well, or you have any constructive criticism, i would very much appreciate it if you would comment.


The ragtag group of 12 slowly advanced into the mines (just one mine), stopping at a crossroad, with many long abandoned tunnels (cross road generally has only 3 exists in addition to the one they entered through), leading out of (away from it) it. The separate tunnels were littered with derelict mining tools, and snapped, fragmented supports.. Clad in rusty, aged mail, equipped with blunt swords, whose (whose is generally used to explain something about a living thing or person) edges had long ago been blunted, not to mention the dented, dull helms, the men were ill-equipped to enter the mine. Using flint and steel, the group lit torches that created a murky orange light, projecting shadows onto the dirt walls. The hardy (theyre hardy now? they were ragtag before) men divided into six groups of 2 (pairs), to explore the former gem mine. One of these groups (pairs), , containing new recruits, Joseph and Derek advanced down a tunnel, which was suspiciously less derelict than the others.

The pair slowly advanced down the tunnel, taking care not to set off (cause) any (unnecessary) vibrations that might send the roof of dirt and rock crashing down on them. After continuing for five hundred meters, Joseph suddenly stopped, and gestured Derek to do also. With ears straining, the two could just make out the sound of feral, primitive calls . Stealthily, and almost with silence (in silence), they followed the sound of the voices. Peeping in (to what? a room?) , Joseph and Derek realized with horror, that they were standing in a metal-bird nest. Metal-birds are carnivorous, perpetually hungry creatures, whose razor sharp beaks and talons can strip a man down to bone in seconds.

Unfortunately, the birds saw them, and with a ferocious squawk, came upon them. Forgetting about their previous stealth(with complete disregard for their stealthy entrance) , the two ran for their life's (lives). The birds were gaining on them, and Joseph, who was just ahead of Derek, pushed his companion back, into the maw of the birds. Shouting and with arms flailing, Joseph reached the end of tunnel, where his fellows (companions) were waiting. Screaming wildly, and out of breath he quickly explained (the situation) to the leader, an old grizzled man, the situation (take out previous 2 words). The birds were upon them.

The birds, with a predatory instinct, knew that it was unwise to attack a group of now 11. The predators waited, circling slowly but greedily around the room. As the group huddled closer together, two birds struck, and with a loud chink, pierced the armor of a man, killing him, and then dragging his corpse (away from the group to feed on/consume/eat his body) out for food . (the torches had all gone out and about)..Every 15 minutes, Joseph heard a scream, as a man was (killed and?) carried (away?).

Eventually it was only him left. He was scared. Thinking about what he was going to do, Joseph did not see that a lone bird had accelerated off his perch, and was making a beeline for his head. CRACK! Went Joseph's skull (as it was impaled by), s the hard, shiny metallic beak, exposing a Ravine of crimson blood which the birds lapped up greedily